


Blowjob Buddies

by Alyaludi



Series: My AU of Doom [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Discovering Bisexuality, F/M, M/M, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:23:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyaludi/pseuds/Alyaludi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>York is an idiot, but fortunately his lovers are not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blowjob Buddies

**Author's Note:**

> York's in an established relationship with Carolina, and somehow is more familiar with the concept of polyamory as something that could apply to him than of bisexuality. Despite him, they find a way.

“Sometimes I wish I was gay, man.”

“Why.” North, from long experience with coughing himself half to death, stops eating.

“Blowjobs!”

“I’m sure women are capable of blowjobs.” In fact, North knows rather more than he wants to about the blowjobs York's life includes, so--

“Giving them, sure. But it seems like it’d be _fun_ to blow a guy, you know?” York takes a bite of his custard and sucks thoughtfully on the spoon. Because, of course, North hadn’t noticed his mouth _already._

North sighs. He carefully puts all his dinner dishes back on his tray.

“C’mon, it’s not like it’s gross. I might want the guy to wear a condom—I’ve tasted my jizz, I’d _much_ rather play with frosting—”

Instead of getting up to leave (he really, really should), North carefully moves the tray to the side so he can drop his forehead onto the table with a thunk. His hands he shifts to his lap, for more strategic concealment if York keeps this up. “If you’re so enthusiastic why don’t you try it?”

“Dude, I’m not gay." He says it like it's obvious, and also tragic. "I love women! Seriously. Just, y’know, it’s always fun to make your partner feel good, and pussies’re great, but dick might be nice too.” York’s waving the spoon around like a baton. “I’m good with _mine_ , why not someone else’s?”

“There are other options.” North refuses to look full-on at York, dammit.

“Than pussy and dick?” York frowns.

“Than gay and straight.”

“Oh, bisexual, huh? Yeah, that might work.”

“It _might work?”_ North tilts his head so he can eye York incredulously.

“Yep. Hey, North, wanna be my blowjob buddy?”

North slowly sits up despite all better judgement. “What about Carolina?”

“Polyamory, dude. And she hates to cuddle, says it feels like a waste of time. You seem like a guy who likes to cuddle.” York does his goddamn ridiculous eyebrow-waggle thing.

“So now you want blowjobs _and_ cuddles?” North can’t help it; York’s a goofball, but…

“What, is that a yes?”

“Yes, York, I will let you suck my dick.” South’s gonna give him so much shit for this. Oh god, she’s gonna want to give York the shovel talk. “Out of the goodness of my heart.”

“And cuddles?” York’s _grin._

“Enough with the puppy-dog eyes! Yes, and cuddles. You can even hold my hand if you’re good.”

“Awesome.” York leans forward and drops a kiss on North’s lips, then gets up to collect his tray. “Hurry up! We have vast uncharted territories to explore!”

“Did you really just call my dick…” North presses his face back into the table, trying and failing to hide his blush. _York kissed him._

“C’mon, man.” York shifts his tray to one hand and then actually leans down and takes North’s hand, despite the awkward height difference between sitting and standing. North risks a glance; York’s fucking beaming. “Don’t forget the cuddles.”

***

“Carolina!” York throws himself on the bed and bounces merrily. “I finally asked North out!”

“Really?” She’s distracted, working on something at her desk. “What happened to ‘but I’m not gay’?”

“I’m bisexual!”

She turns to frown at him. “So?”

“Soooo of course I can ask North out!”

“Wait, wait. You didn’t _know?_ ”

“Know what?”

“You say ‘I’m bisexual’ like it’s a surprise.” Military barracks, even COs' single rooms, are small enough for him to kick his leg from where she’s sitting at her desk.

“Yeah, North suggested it, and it makes sense!”

“Suggested it? You actually hadn’t thought—Dammit, York. I thought ‘I’m not gay’ was an _excuse._ ”

“But that’s _not important,_ Carolina. Me! North! Dating!”

“Yes, yes, good boy.” He beams at her. “How exactly did he ‘suggest it’?” She’s all for sharing York’s demanding focus, but North’s not the type when he knows they’re… something.

“I dunno, man, I just started talking about blowjobs and he solved all our problems.” York flops over on his back, grinning at the ceiling.

Carolina can’t help but smile at her second-in-command. “So when you say you asked him out, are you actually going on a date or does he think you just want to bone him?”

“Blowjobs, cuddles, and occasional hand-holding were negotiated.”

“So you _didn’t_ ask him on a date.”

“We’re together every day and we’re on a ship in space, where would we even go?” York pouts, ‘cause of course he’s thought about it. A lot. “I could ask ‘hey dude, next time we’re on a planet getting shot at, you want to stop for ice cream?’”

“Or, you could just say ‘hey, next time we’re eating dinner together, why don’t we take it to our room so we can gaze into each other’s fucking eyes while we eat, because I have big gay feelings for you.’”

“Bisexual!” York protests.

“Really? That’s the part you’re worried about?”

“It’s important, because I totally still want to bone _you_ too.” He’s all sincerity and big eyes, leaning forward on his elbows so she can see, as if she ever doubted that.

Carolina flicks him on the nose. “Did you tell North about that?”

“Yup.”

“What exactly did you say?”

“He asked ‘what about Carolina?’ and I said ‘it’s called polyamory.’”

“Wow, the day has actually come when I actually need to tell you to talk more. Next time you see North, tell him you have feelings.”

“Bisexual feelings.”

“Fine, York, bisexual _feelings_. Now either get naked or get out, I need to finish this report by tomorrow morning.”

“Sure thing, boss!” York starts with his shirt.

***

York usually follows Carolina’s advice. He’d be an idiot not to, and he _isn’t_ an idiot, seriously. He just kinda figures this is more his territory than hers. No offense, Carolina’s the best thing in the universe in a ton of ways, but she doesn’t really do the romance thing.

So if he kind of lets the talking slide because he’s just picked up (heh) a new hobby into which he’s pouring all the free time he can scrounge, well, it’s because he _thought_ he and North were on the same page. No need to make a big deal about it, North knows how much York loves him—York tells him that about twice as often now—and it’s not like they need a _dating contract,_ right?

Except if North’s gonna say things like “you’d still want to cuddle with me?” when York talks about a hypothetical future where he gets to snuggle _both_ his favorite people sometimes, and how tough that’d make managing his schedule and his training might suffer for it so maybe Carolina knows best in terms of turning him down for the sake of her _efficiency_ even if he’s _pining_ here, then York really needs to step up his talking game. Carolina’s right as always.

York props himself on one elbow, pulling his face off North’s chest. It’s a terrible sacrifice, but he’ll do it. He needs to see North’s face.

“What the hell, man?” York demands.

“I guess it would be pretty hard to max out your cuddle meter, wouldn’t it?” North grins at him. North has the sweetest fucking grin, it’s ridiculous, York wants to kiss him and his damn stubbly chin (blondes can get away with not shaving for so much longer) but he has to focus here.

“Well, yeah, but Carolina wouldn’t be able to, you know?”

“York, how many times have I heard you complaining about that?” North’s grin gets a little less blinding.

“No, I mean, dude, even if she suddenly _loved_ cuddles—which would probably be a sign of the apocalypse, or alien mind control—it wouldn’t be _you._ ”

“York, I know this is a little new to you, but you do know the greedy bisexual stereotype is just that, right? You don’t actually need both to be happy.”

“Wait, wait a minute,” York accidentally elbows North in the stomach ( _lovely_ abs) while propping himself up on his forearms. “You think this is about guys and girls? Dude, this is about _you._ ”

North’s frowning now. York has to fix this. He has to figure out how to say this _right._ North opens his mouth, but York puts a finger on it—which is distracting in and of itself because being blowjob buddies is a glorious, glorious two-way arrangement and _North’s mouth._ Focus.

York lets himself lean in, though, but keeps himself above North far enough that he can look him in the eye. This is, after all, completely serious. “I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.”

North’s eyes, which have been flicking between York’s mouth and eyes, narrow as he processes. “What?”

“There are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place in the universe.” York leans in, just a quick kiss and North’s apparently too surprised to respond. “Apparently, none of them have ever been in your arms.”

“York, really— _pick up lines?”_

York is feeling inspired, so he modifies one he’s never used before on the spot. “Are you an old-fashioned lock? Because I’d pick you in no time at all.”

“That was terrible, York.” North covers his eyes with one forearm.

“C’mon.” York trails extremely dexterous fingers over North’s jaw, needing to feel the stretch of that smile.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here.” God help him, North sounds serious, which is, that’s so sad. “If you’re trying to get into my pants—”

“You’re not _wearing_ pants,” York points out. All else aside, he’s pretty proud of this fact and does not think it should be overlooked.

“Metaphorically. You don’t need to woo me, York.”

York huffs. “Apparently I do. The hell, man? Where’d you get the idea I’m with you just ‘cause Carolina’d kick me out after?” North is nobody’s _second choice._

“Your opening gambit was literally ‘I wanna try sucking dick,’ and you’re surprised I know I’m your experim—“

 _Hell no._ York shoves North’s arm out of the way and kisses him as damn tenderly as he knows _how,_ because apparently he fucked up but _good._ Once he’s convinced North’s forgotten the dumbass words he was gonna say, he pulls back and drops his forehead to North’s sternum with a thud. He does not get distracted by the long, glorious view down North’s torso. “Never ignore Carolina’s advice,” he reminds himself.

York can _feel_ North’s pecs shifting under his cheek as he tenses up. Briefly he considers biting as a distraction technique, but then North speaks. “Y’know, I feel like there should have been some negotiation if Carolina’s gonna be in our bed this much.”

York grins, and he bets North can feel it. _That’s_ more like it. “I’ll stop bringing her up so much if it’d bug you. Used to complaining to my best friend about girl trouble, you know?”

North sighs. It’s _way_ too fucking sad. He also lifts a hand to thread through York’s hair, which is lovely, but just makes his damn heart hurt _more_ right now.

“Shoulda asked if my boyfriend minded, though.” York’s cheek practically bounces this time with North’s start of surprise. Yeah, York fucked up.

“Correct me if I heard wrong, but I could’ve sworn you just said _boyfriend.”_

“I _did._ ” York nips a bit at North’s collarbone before propping his chin on it, because he is a bit ticked off. “Seriously, dude. What the hell? You seriously thought I was sleeping with you _without_ being completely fucking in love with you?”

“ _Curiosity,_ York. Fuckbuddies is a thing.”

York’s actually hurt. “But I didn’t—“ aww, damn. He’d called it blowjob buddies, hadn’t he?

“Er, York?” North’s gonna get a crick in his neck, peering down like that. “You said _in love._ ”

“ _Yes!”_

“Oh.”

York plunks his head down on North’s sternum again, digging his chin in just a bit vindictively.

“So not an experiment.”

York glares. “That’s not you, man. You’re better than _that,_ jeez.”

“So. Boyfriends.”

“Yup.”

“And no more talking about Carolina in bed.”

“Not _our_ bed.”

“Fair enough.”

North uses the hand still by York’s face to tug him up for a kiss.

York goes.

After a few moments of glorious, delighted making out, _full_ of feelings (and how had North put so much of his heart into their kisses _without_ knowing he had York’s?) York pulls away.

North’s grin is back. “So, celebration sex?”

York still has a duty to fulfill. “Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favorite.”

North’s grin goes smilingly shy. “You can stop with the pick-up lines.”

“Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sorta-prequel to the big South/CT AU I've been working on for ages, but since there's no way I can finish THAT story before the first episode of Season 14 comes out, I decided to go ahead and get this posted. I AM OVERCOME WITH ANTICIPATION.


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